Secretary: Part 5

{{The Senate. Hat Guy sits before the committee at his hearing to become Internet Secretary.}}
Chairman: We were convened here to review your nomination for the position of internet secretary.
Chairman: However, on review of your qualifications, we've decided to sentence you to death.
Chairman: An unorthodox move, sure. But the vote was unanimous.
{{Hat Guy is leaning back in his chair.}}
[[Meanwhile . . .]]
Tron Paul: There's no grid! How do I steeeeer!!!!!
{{Back at the Senate. Hat Guy is standing.}}
Hat Guy: Well, it's been fun. But I was never actually interested in taking the position. Good lord; listening to internet arguments all day? No thank you.
Chairman: Then why did you sit through all those hearings?
Hat Guy: It was taking us a while to move the pumps into the maintenance tunnels.
{{The committee members murmur among themselves.}}
{{There is a panel in the floor between Hat Guy and the committee.}}
<<RUMBLE>>
<<plink>> <<plink>>
{{A red playpen ball bursts out of the panel and rolls towards the committee chairman.}}
<<plink>>
{{The room is still. Hat Guy's arms are folded.}}
{{A geyser of red, white, and blue playpen balls bursts through the panel in the floor. Hat Guy is already gone.}}
<<FOOM>>
{{The committee members chase Hat Guy out the door as the Senate floor floods with playpen balls.}}
{{The chase continues into the rotunda, as does the flood of playpen balls.}}
{{Hat Guy stands in the middle of the rotunda as it fills with playpen balls, surrounded by members of the committee.}}
Committee Members: Security! Someone!
Committee Members: Get Him!
{{Tron Paul bursts through the wall.}}
<<CRASH>>
Tron Paul: Aaaaa!
{{Hat Guy grabs the bottom of the lightcycle as Tron Paul goes by.}}
<<snag>>
Tron Paul: Hey!
{{Hat Guy swings onto the top of the light cycle.}}
{{Hat Guy crouches on top of the light cycle.}}
Tron Paul: Get Off!
{{Tron Paul and Hat Guy crash through the far wall of the rotunda.}}
<<CRASH>>
{{Tron Paul hits the ground.}}
<<WHAM>>
Tron Paul: Ow!
{{Hat Guy runs away.}}
Tron Paul: Ughhh.
{{The lightcycle disappears.}}
Tron Paul: I feel queasy . . .
Cory Doctorow, above: Hey!
Hat Guy: Hi, Cory.
Cory Doctorow: Need a lift?
Hat Guy: Sure.
{{Hat Guy and Cory Doctorow depart in Doctorow's balloon.}}
Cory Doctorow: So are you, like, a fugitive now?
Hat Guy: Well, I never did give them my name . . .
[[But in the rotunda]]
{{Senators play in the playpen balls.}}
Senators: Let's jump down here from the balcony!
Senators: Senior senators first!
Senators: Wheeee!
Senators: I'm a submarine!
[[All is forgiven.]]
{{title text: And they choose Al Gore as Internet Secretary.}}

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